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Friday, March 30, 2012

fobia

married or not??just read it

“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage! If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up 

Muhammad (PBUH) said: “The believers who show the most perfect faith are those who have the best disposition and the best of you are those who are best to their wives.” 
“Men are the supporters of women, because Allah has stowed on the one more than the other, and for what they have to provide (for them) from their sources. So the righteous women are obedient and protect in the absence of their husbands that which God ordains to be protected.”(Qur’an 4:34)

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saya agak fobia dengan keadaan macam ni..i don't know..tengok orang sekeliling...mungkin saya tak pernah berkahwin,tapi..isu2 mcm ni yang membuatkan saya rasa takut dengan perkahwinan..
salah ke ada rasa takut begini??

saya selalu berdoa dan mengimpikan perkahwinan sekali seumur hidup..sentiasa dan setiap hari berdoa,selagi suamiku itu membawa aku dekat pada Pencipta (Allah),selagi tu cinta ni masih bersama..bercinta sehingga ke syurga,insyaAllah..Ameen...
saya takut dengan pergaduhan..bila bergaduh,suami mula marah2,tengking isteri..pukul2 isteri..bila isteri dah tak cantik,badan dah mula berisi,mula nak cari perempuan lain..tanggungjawab terabai..anak2 tak terjaga..saya tak dapat bayangkan bagaimana seorang perempuan melalui saat2 sukar macam ni..
apabila bercakap mengenai hak..lelaki yang entah mana kefahaman tentang agamanya,mudah saja berkata dan pertahan tentang hak2 nya..
saya selalu fikir,agak2 dieorang ni macam mana mula2 bercinta?..
bila fikir2 balik..mungkin laki ni senang sangat nak dapatkan perempuan ni,tu sbb senang nak permain..
hey.!..kalau sy adalah lelaki..sy akan jadi lelaki yg sgt protective and be gentlman..betul klu orang kata,easy come,easy go..tapi die(perempuan) adalah isteri anda...bukan gf/scandal..tittle seorang ISTERI tu sangat mulia di sisi islam..

saya pernah terbaca satu artikel islamik..tentang perkahwinan..wajar bagi seorang wanita tu nak jual mahal,garang,tegas pada laki ajnabi..
kalau dah terbiasa dengan mesej2,esok dah kahwin..dan dengan mudah pun dia boleh cari perempuan lain,dengan msej2..dah terbiasa keluar berdua,dgn mudah cri prmuan lain dengan cara macam tu....
apa pendapat anda?

so far..apa yang pernah saya lalui..seriuously..saya sangat fobia dengan sesuatu perhubungan..
grrrr...am i think too far and too ngtive?????..

i got an idea when i read an article about marriage...
just follow the rules of ISLAM...
sesungguhnya..kita tak tahu apa yang tersurat dan tersirat..apa yang terbaik..

dialog bersama hati..

saya: what about if we admire someone n just keep it as a secret..but sometimes we cannot deny it..but we cannot confess it..*istighfar*
hati : u are what you want to believe..bersabarlah..do you think by confess it,u are sure that u r for him..u have Allah..u can pray.doa..u know "doa is senjata orang muslim"..the powerful and miracle about doa..
do you think that he is the best for you?
saya: as far as i concern..he just someone that is "somebody"..
hati : are you sure??..Allah knows everything..mata yang melihat dan hati yang menilai semua baik2 saja..tp,yg tersembunyi??
saya : ..................................................

just an example

usaha doa dan tawakal..monolog dalaman dengan diri sendiri selalunya begitu..sehingga membuatkan saya jadi "mati akal" nak berbahas dengan diri sendiri..dan akhirnya..saya diam..dan serahkan segalanya pada Dia..
we do the best and Allah do the rest..

apabila baca kisah rasulullah sebagai suami..saya merasakan,betapa untungnya isteri2 baginda..
tapi,lelaki zaman sekarang..sikit2 naik angin..sikit2 nak pukul..sikit2 nak marah..itu tak kena..ini tak kena..semua nak komen..sikit2 nak kawen lain..

bagi saya,biarlah seorang perempuan tu jual mahal,ego,memilih,tegas,garang n bla2..sebab saya yakin.xde perempuan yang suka dan mengatakan.."mereka suka kahwin banyak2 kali"..saya yakin.!.xde..sebab..hati perempuan ni boleh sayang seorang dalam satu masa..jarang tengok orang perempuan yang dah kematian suami or diceraikan.then kahwin lain..jarang sangat..

bagi saya perkahwinan bukan sesuatu yang remeh temeh...there are a lot of things that u must do..kalau dulu,fikir diri seorang..skrg..fikir kita ada orang lain nk dijaga..but i believe,kalau pasangan yang berlandaskan agama..dan memahami tentang islam..insyaAllah,dua hati yang menjadi satu  akan dipermudahkan...

WE DO THE BEST,ALLAH DO THE REST..

insyaAllah..

semoga rasa takut dan fobia ini tidak menghalang sesuatu yang "halal".

Jodoh milik ALLAH, tiada lafaz cinta melainkan mendahulukan lafaz akad nikah.
yes.!..i hold this words..

i just got this picture from my tumblr..


quran..biasanya kita baca seperti biasa..sekadar baca..tapi,bila kita menilai..dan belajar..semuanya di situ..ya Al-quran.!.sebuah kitab yang punyai segalanya

not looking for a perfect man..but..sometimes..biar dia(suami) lagi "kuat" dari saya..terkadang diri ini terlupa dan asyik dgn cinta suami,dia mengingatkan diri ini supaya berzikir dan istighfar..terleka menonton kisah cinta bersamanya,dia (suami) mengingatkan diri ini supaya membaca al-quran..
don't you think this is"SWEET"..:).. you get in love with him(suami) but you are blessed with Him..you get in love with him(suami) but you get closer with Allah..!

and not even you..BUT we..both..:)


p/s: sorry if this entry like "jauhnyaaa fikir"..it just like pretty cool~
















4 comments:

  1. huk aloh. ko tak pikir plak aku punya stress mak asyik suruh kawen. bukan stakat mak..abah,atuk, jiran2, makcik2. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.....
    stressssssssssssssssssssssssss.............
    tipikal ar hidup ni.
    -akak kau-

    ReplyDelete
  2. hehe..sukeentry ni..=)..suke sgt222...awk2...nk link tumblr..=)=)=)

    ReplyDelete
  3. -_-".ok.fine. balik cuti bawak barang sendri k. aku nak keje. nak kawen.bye.

    ReplyDelete